Goals and Dreams

It's show day today, and I am a bundle of nerves. Yesterday Rob and I hung all the artwork, and it felt like going through a rainbow of emotions from excitement to anxiety to pride. In January I wrote down these two goals:

-put together an art collection to show
-have an art show, complete with fancy opening reception

I did not expect that this would end up happening quite as fast as it did. This has all been such a whirlwind of painting and promoting over the last few weeks, that I have barely had time to think. Then a couple of days ago I got to the finish line. All the paintings were done, and I was starting to pack them up when a huge realization hit me. We're talking light bulb going on, ah-ha moment here. I realized that I set a goal to make these paintings, and to show these paintings, but I never set a goal to   SELL these paintings. Furthermore, in all my creative endeavours over the years, I don't think I have ever set that goal for myself. For instance, when my band recorded and independently released a CD in 2004, I don't remember ever setting an intention to actually sell the 500 copies of that CD that we had printed. How giant a blind spot is that?

I guess as a creative person, I am always focusing on the creating part. I create the product, or the event, and then I pray that they will be successful, but I never really set the GOAL And as I saw with setting the goals of creating this work and having this show, when I clearly state my intention to the universe, it is happy to oblige. When I stop to think about this, I know this is related to another area in my life where I have a huge blind spot. It's about asking for help. I hate it. I mean I really, really hate it. I am a control freak of the first degree, and I do not want to be perceived as weak or vulnerable. So asking for help is something I only do when I am absolutely desperate. And I know that my fear of setting goals for sales and my fear of asking for help are really the same thing. I am afraid to rely on other people. I am afraid to trust that they will be there for me when I need them. So I only set goals related to things I can control, then I hope and pray for the rest.

So I know that even though it is scary for me, I need to get clear on my intentions for this show tonight. Here are my goals for our art exhibit opening:

-sell all of my paintings
-celebrate my "graduation" from art student to working artist
-enjoy myself!
-make connections with people that lead to future creative projects, jobs, or opportunities that are in line with my creative priorities
-have a lovely evening with my husband, celebrating his artistic debut

And from now on, I'm going to ask myself when I set a goal: "And then what?"