It's 6am and I got the baby back to sleep half an hour ago, but I am wide awake. He is teething right now. Any parent who has been through it knows what circle of hell I am talking about. There is nothing quite like your baby screaming and writhing in pain to make you feel completely helpless. I'm on my second child now, and having tried every teething method under the sun with the first, I know now to just grab a bottle of Tylenol and get on with it.
Yesterday I walked past a sign in front of a local
chiropractor's office. On their sandwich board they had written "Studies
show a 46% increase in cases of asthma when children under the age of 1 are
given Tylenol." I had the strong urge to go over, kick the crap out of
that sign and then shove it up the butthole of whoever wrote that message.
Parents of our generation are bombarded with information
from the second they conceive about what is "best" for their children.
The previous generation had to deal with the occasional over-bearing
mother-in-law or nosy neighbor. It seems that our generation gets smacked
upside the head with a new scientific study every 30 seconds. Breast feeding,
co-sleeping, vaccination, feeding. Every single choice we make as a parent
becomes a virtual war zone on the information highway. On this side of the
highway we have the current medical establishment. On the other side, the
alternative/hippy/attachment parenting advocates. Each side lines up their
research and... FIRE! Meanwhile, bewildered parents are just trying to get to
the next rest stop in the road.
We are kneeling at the altar of the God of Science, praying
that it will give us answers to these great un-knowable questions.
Will my child turn out ok? That's what we really want to
know. Will my child grow up strong and healthy and well-adjusted and have nice
hair? Ok, maybe not that last one, but you get my point. We read all the books,
the articles, the blog posts. And we try really hard to make the right choices.
But let's face it people, science has a study to prove just about anything, but
can't cure the common cold. Science is failing us.
Instead of curing our problems, science has made us the most
anxious generation of parents to date. We worry like nobody's business. There
is a constant lingering feeling of guilt weaving through most of the parenting
articles I read. What I hear over and over is "No matter what choice I
make, I feel guilty, I feel like I am failing my child." And that's what
made me so angry about that sign. The last thing a mother needs is one more
person telling her she is failing her child. We get to read about it every
fucking day. And it's exhausting.
At some point for the sake of their mental well-being, most
moms I know get to the point where they put up the sanity barrier. They stop
listening to all the reams of "scientific knowledge" out there and
start listening to their hearts. Because they know when they tune in to their
own intuition, they will find what is best for their families.
A little while ago, I wrote a parenting manifesto that sums
it all up:
Your kids will not
remember whether you gave birth with or without medical intervention, chose
co-sleeping or cribs, breast-feeding or formula, strollers or carriers,
store-bought food or home-made. What they will remember is whether you told
them every day how much you love them, and how special they are. They will
remember whether you kept your word or not, whether you said sorry when you
made a mistake, and whether you honestly tried to be a better person for them.
Parent with heart.
Live your life
passionately.
Never forget to play.
And tell your kids
every day that you love them.
Everything else will
work itself out.
And to that I would add, the occasional time out from the
information highway would probably do us all good.
This is gorgeous, and awesome, and just wicked! Sorry I didn't read, ubt as a mother, I can tell you that you captured this so well, and so artistically!
ReplyDeleteHa! Love this, you nailed it perfectly!!! Your kids will remember YOU loved them and supported them.
ReplyDeleteAll those studies and all that reporting about studies are horribly flawed. Great article here on the subject. http://www.cjr.org/cover_story/survival_of_the_wrongest.php?page=all&print=true
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